The high road (a.k.a. the assignment I didn’t get to submit)

Growing up, whenever I was asked by people what I wanted to become in the future, I’d always say “Doctor” either because a.) people expect you to have careers with titles; or b.) it was just easy to say. Whatever the main reason was, at an early age, I was already exposed to the thought that being a doctor is a good career for anyone and it has that sense of nobility that comes along with it. All my yearbooks even have “To become a Pediatrician” plastered on its “Future Career” part – and yes, both gradeschool, and highschool. So maybe, I have come to a decision at an early age of the career I’d want to pursue, but it took me awhile to figure out if being a “Doctor” per se is the whole person I’d want to become.

It started during my Values Education class way back in third year. I can no longer remember the specific topic we were discussing – I don’t even remember if I was even listening – but I remember all too well that before the class ended, our teacher shared a story she recently experienced herself. It happened a few months ago, I remember her saying. She was rushed at the nearest public hospital because of a very high fever and chills. Upon arriving, they were told to wait in line to see the doctor. So they waited. She felt so sick, that time but according to her, she wasn’t sick enough to not notice the poor girl beside them. From the looks of it, she was suffering already but the nurses won’t tend to her just because the family cannot afford to pay a down payment for the hospital fees and was just asked to wait if there will be a slot that’ll free up in the charity wards. To keep the long story short, my teacher (then a student), had to watch the poor girl die with her own eyes just because she cannot pay. I don’t know why, but this story really got into me. And at that moment, the seemingly perfect world I was living at was tainted. From all the comforts I have, it has never occurred to me that there are actually a lot of people not living (in all sense of the word) until that point. It was my first ever exposure as to how unfairly bureaucratic the society we’re living at is. And somehow, it etched my whole being and made me realize that improving the healthcare system of this country is one of the missions I have in this world.

Gazillions of tests, entrance exams, failures and successes afterwards, I indeed found myself in Medicine School. It wasn’t a smooth-sailing ride, but I am already at the point wherein I have accepted the fact that whatever experience I had in the past led me to this very place. And what can I say, I have never been any happier with learning and taking the high road to my dream career. I guess we each have all our reasons and means as to why we end up in a certain place. One’s certainty isn’t just the measure/gauge as to why one pursues and finishes Medicine. From all that I have experienced, passion, dedication and commitment will always be the solid foundation of it all. So I guess for me, it all started with just a dream and ended up being my life’s reality.

Inspirations

Inspirations

“I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher

My student awhile ago sent me this picture. Upon laying eyes on it, I knew, I have to visit this place before I die.

Before my 18th birthday, my mother talked me into traveling instead of throwing a party. Her offer back then was to have me travel anywhere I’d like with my best friend. For reasons unfathomable to me now, I declined the offer. I don’t know what’s up but the hormone-surging younger version of myself chose to throw a party I didn’t even have time to plan in the first place. Well, to keep the long story short, it’s one thing I truly regret in my life. Haha

I don’t know. Maybe, the thought of seeing a new place and experiencing a new culture didn’t sound enticing to me before. That, or I wasn’t thinking at all about it. Haha Looking back at that situation, my mom courted me months just so I’d pick the travel. I even remember asking her, “Ano’ng gagawin ko naman dun?” (What am I going to do there?). Stupid, I know. But, yeah, forgive my imbecile self. Haha

Travel opens one’s eyes and minds, people like to say. I’d never know because I’ve never been exposed to that much diverse culture as my own for I’ve only traveled locally.  But I often like to imagine what it must be like to be at this place and that; to meet these types of people; to party and talk to strangers you never thought you’d get to hang with; to converse with people you have zero knowledge about; to sit at a random park and people watch; and a lot of other stuff. I’d be overwhelmed with emotions, that’s for sure. And for once, I’d like to experience what it must actually feel like and not just continuously fathom about it.

So, this year, I’ve decided (and yes, I’m announcing it to the entire world to make it legit), that I AM GOING TO TRAVEL ABROAD BEFORE MY 25TH BIRTHDAY. Well, this Hakone travel in Japan will have to be put on hold for all the monetary reasons one can think of, but one day, I’m sure, I will get there.

Rumi once said that “Travel brings power and love back into your life.” This trip I’m planning may not give me exactly love and power per se, but it will give me a new set of eyes paired with a new set of ideals, mindset and view – that, I’m sure of.

Reminder

I’d just like to share an excerpt from my favorite inspirational book so far – Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I’ve been kind of lonely for the past couple of days because of all the things happening in my (supposedly) non-existent love life and this was the wake-up slap I’ve been needing. Perfect timing, every single time. Thank you, Lord.

He says, “Give it another six months, you’ll feel better.”
“I’ve already given it twelve months, Richard.”
“Then give it six more. Just keep throwin’ six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time.”
I exhale hotly through my nose; bull-like
“Groceries,” Richard says, “listen to me. Someday, you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it – in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India.”

photo (3)

“But I really loved him.”
“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching, I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it;s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriuosly believed David was my soul mate.”
“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just ot reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. Andi fyou’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”
“But I love him.”
“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”
“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you;ll really be alone, adn Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”
“But I wish me and David could – ”

He cuts me off. “See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”
This line gives me the first laugh of the day.

Countless times have I had this one-sided arguments with myself without concrete answers to my woes. “But I loved him so much… I miss him… I can’t live without him,” and so on. Now, finally someone has spoken back. ♥

It still didn’t make my day

This has been our longest conversation since last month. For the past couple of weeks, we haven’t been able to talk to each other that much because of all the reasons in the world (i.e. someone pulled the chair beside me, someone else sat beside me, you were VERY late, you were absent, I was absent, etc.). I was expecting that this must have at least made me very happy and giddy, BUT IT DIDN’T

Well, at least you tried to make me smile today,  I’d give you that. And by try, I mean really tried.

While fiddling with his smartphone…

♔: Kumusta Medicine?

Me: Uhm, okay naman

<insert birds chirping>

♔: Ano may result na ba yung exam niyo?

Me: Wala pa. I don’t know. Feeling ko ang baba ko dun <insert fake laugh>

♔: Ang unfair ng ginawa nila. Well, ganun talaga. Wala tayong magagawa

Me: Yeahhhhh.

<dead aiiiiiiir>

♔: May class ka pa ng 1, right?

Me: Yeah. Why?

♔: Wala naman. 

Me: Uhm but it’s 10 am today. 

♔: O, bakit?

Me: Well, I don’t know nakiusap siguro yung first years. Pero it’s just for today

♔: Ah ok. Pero andito ka pa ng 1? 

Me: Uhm, maybe. Bakit?

♔: Wala naman.

<and then there comes a point where I pretended that whatever the prof is saying’s really interesting>

♔: May surg ka di ba? I mean, may surg ka ba?

Me: Uhm yeah. Meron. 

♔: Kumusta naman?

Me: Okay lang.

♔: Madali lang di ba? <insert wide smile>

Me: Yeah, madali lang. Medyo topakin lang yung prof pero ok naman.

♔: Lalo na yung move exam, sobrang dali, basta, blah, blah, blah <I swear, i just really pretended to listen to whatever you were saying>

Me: Ah talaga? Edi maganda. <another fake smile>

<dead air that seemed foreverrrrr>

♔: Nag-attendance ka na?

Me: Yeah.

<Thank goodness the last slide finally flashed>

Me: Ipapakita ba yung exam results today?

♔: Siguro. 

Me: Ah ipapakita yata kasi nakapila sila. <and then walks away>

There were other things we talked about prior this but I was too unfocused to remember now. So basically our day ended with that. I wonder how it’ll be like next weekend.

21 Privileges You Probably Don’t Realize You Have

“If you have something to look forward to… If you realize that your happiness is in your own hands– and you decide to embrace it.”

Really worth pondering on because it took me a long time to realize it. 🙂

Thought Catalog

1. If this morning you woke up and sat through a day of work that you hate, because you have a job, and you’re not numb yet. Becoming indifferent is what you have to worry about.

2. If you are upset by something, because it means that it means something to you, and what more can you ask for in life aside from something you give a damn about?

3. If you are lucky enough to have all of your arms and legs. Seriously think about what your life would be like if you were missing a limb.

4. The fact that you’re reading this right now… it means that a) you can read and b) you have an internet connection which makes you richer and luckier than many, many people in the world.

5. If you ate something today. Just take a minute to think of all the people…

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ALOHA!

Welcome to my new blog! Woohoo! Finally got the nerve and strength to start anew in the cyber world. I used to have a blog in blogspot but things got complicated (and I no longer want to delve on that personal and overly dramatic stuff), so I’ve finally decided to leave that part of my life behind and move on. Sayang naman lahat ng ideas ko if I won’t be able to chronicle them all just because I don’t want a specific person reading my posts, right? (Haha Yuck, feeling madaming magagandang posts AND followers)

So well, anyway, if you happen to wonder, this blog is all about:

  • My experiences thus far
  • Places I’ve been to
  • My perspective on the world
  • Food
  • Fashion
  • Make-up
  • Photography (even though I suck at it)
  • Personal expression

Well, that’s how I plan how to manage this blog, anyway. Haha

I hope you guys join this chinky-eyed little me in this wonderful journey called life (too cliche, I know! Haha)

Ta-ta for now!

♥♥♥,

e.a.