I dreamt of you this morning.
And we had that conversation I so long hoped for.
I don’t know if it was just my subconscious,
But I do hope that someday, somehow,
All my questions will be answered,
And all the pain be gone in my heart.
I HATE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AV-FUCKIN-G
So this morning I was supposed to change sim cards and upon inserting it, whoala! My device prompted me for a password which I never set-up in the first place because according to it, it is LOST AND STOLEN. What the fudge. I’m no computer genius but I get around with gadgets okay. And I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING TO UNLOCK MY PHONE BUT TO NO AVAIL. I tried remotely unlocking my phone via web; disabling the anti-theft function in my account BUT NOTHING WORKED. I even tried contacting their customer support but they just gave me a link for “self-help options” to their site. SRSLY?! Ugh!!!! And to add up to the never-ending pile of frustrations, THE HARD FACTORY RESET was also disabled by the anti-theft software. Wow, AVG you have really gone great lengths to ensure that stolen phones won’t be functional. WOW AND TO THINK MY PHONE WASN’T EVEN STOLEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS IS BEYOND ANNOYING!!!! Shouldn’t this function be activated by the owner itself and a software takeover or whatever-term should never happen?! Ugh!!!!
So if you are an AVG representative or whatever and is reading this blogpost, please feel free to contact me and DON’T GIVE ME ANY MORE FUCKING LINKS TO HELP ME RESOLVE MY PROBLEM WITH YOUR SYSTEM GLITCH.
And so, it’s literally 3 days before Christmas and I am phone-less.
Christmas is definitely in the aiiiiir! ♥
Everyone knows that my fave holiday or season for that matter, is Christmas; and today I woke up to its feelsssss (a.k.a cool December breeze, cakes and hot cocoa, festivities). Hihi This week has been filled (and will be filled) with lots of meet-ups and yes, eat-outs but most importantly, I get to celebrate with my beloved friends. I couldn’t be more excited to update the blog on my recent (and will be) rendezvous. So excited that I really had to post this to try to hush my excitably beating heart and subdue my emotions. Hahahaha okay this is getting really outta hand and I’m blabbering yet again. Anyway, ta-ta for now as I still have to figure out what to buy for the exchange gifts. 🙂
I know a lot has been said and done. It has been a massive train wreck – you and I. The road has not just been bumpy but a cyclical pattern of hurt and be hurt. It’s been years since we parted but how come until this very day it’s as if I just had my heart broken? As the year bids good bye, I guess it’s about time that this ends and be nothing but a chapter on this final year.
I never wished ill of you but I guess it’s high time I wish something for myself without you. I have become prey to you over and over, luring me into your traps of promises and care only to end up hurt in the end. And this has to stop. I offered you friendship and what has it gotten me in the end? Not entirely nothing. You gave me new wounds to tend to – new suffering to endure and new experiences to get over with.
And I’m tired. I can’t reiterate how much of a burden you have been to me. I’m so freaking tired and I need to lay all this to rest. So, here I am, with nothing else to offer but a plead to let me be and let me go. I see it now. You no longer love me – you just need me. Because, out of all the people you know (your family included), you can never erase the fact that I am the only person in this world who has understood you fully. And I still continually do, mind you. I still try to understand you with every inch of my being. But you never valued that, haven’t you? You’ve always taken that for granted. You have always taken me for granted. And now, I accept that. It’s okay. I can’t and won’t force you to. Just know this, though, YOU ARE MISSING OUT. It may not sink in now, but I know someday it will. You cannot outrun your true self forever. Pretend all you want right now, but you can never lose sight of who you truly are forever.
Having said all that, I wish you luck on this new life you have chosen to live. I have always been the one you keep on choosing to hurt over and over and that ends now. From this day forth, I am refusing to allow you to hurt me further. This will be the last time. You are no longer worth it. Every truth I held on to for so long no longer matters because at the end of it all, you never fought for me. And I’m pretty sure, you never will.
When it started to get rocky.
Just the other day, my Timehop app made sure to remind me that.
On to the present, 2 years later…
Still dysfunctional with thoughts of you.
Once again at loss of what to do.