Gratitude series: Day 001 Angelic Voice

I’m a believer that every thing around us happens for a reason. There are signs meant for us to see, it’s just up to us if we’d really take the time to look or not. ☺️

A while ago, I happen to chance upon this cutie pie girl.


(Ok sorry I don’t know how to embed videos Hahaha)
Anywaaay, Angelica Hale is a contestant in America’s got Talent and she is a survivor at such a young age. Even more amazing is, she has retained a very positive and strong attitude inspite and despite her situtation. Such an inspiration! And she’s only 9! 

I’m just blessed and thankful I was able to chance upon this video just as I was beginning to be overwhelmed by fear and negative emotions. This board exam is killing me, not to mention making me psychologically unstable. Hahahahaha Buuuuut, I have decided a few days back that I’m gonna give this one a good fight and I’m gonna do my best given the remaining time I have. Here’s to more positivity and retaining my sanity in the days to come. 

A prayer for my passing the exams will also mean a great deal. Thanks you guys! God bless everyone. ❤

Advertisements

Hearts’ day

I thought that this year’s Valentines will be just like any other day like how I usually see it – a day I won’t even mind and just let pass. Even way back when I had a boyfriend, I didn’t really do much celebrating on VDay. I mean, sure I go on dates and all that, but it was just like all the other mundane days for me. But this year was wuite different. I got caught off guard, to be honest. I didnt know I cared. Heck, I didn’t even know a day meant supposedly for celebrating love could bring this much sadness in one person. I guess, I’m tired of receiving mundane things and emotions just like any other mundane day in the year. I just want need to belong to someone again – to feel that I belong to someone again. It’s been so long. I can no longer kid myself around into thinking that this independent thing encompasses all other things in my life. Everybody needs to belong to someone, right? It sometimes makes me wonder how do divorced people do it? Go through a wrenching experience like that and then allow themselves to believe in something as intangible and vague as love? How do they get the energy and spirit to allow themselvs to meet someone new and move on with their lives? How is it so easy for people to find one another in this vast world and yet have other people easily find each other despite all the setbacks.? How is it that despite all contradictions, people always still choose to choose love? I’m in awe. And sad. I guess,  the lonesomeness gets to you when you’re not as happy as everyone else. I’m not saying that finding someone new to love is the only thing that can make me happy, no, it’s not like that. It’s just that, when people’s happiness are amplified, your normal happiness meter gets left behind and makes you all the more focus on things that you normally don’t give attention to (like, the things you lack, perhaps). And being single for a considerable time gives you that sort of emptiness no matter how hard you try to hide it and gets amplified on happy occasions like Chrismas and birthdays and yes, Valentines day. So today, I chose to feel it all and not pretend these sort of feelings do not exist. I chose to go home early, ponder on things and let myself feel it all and take it all in. After all, I promised to focus on myself more this year. And as I sit here by the poolside, having my nape, hands and feet freezing from the cold night breeze, I can’t help but wonder what else does this year have in store for me? What other realizations can I expect even from things I thought I already have full acceptance of? What new things can I learn and of course will things still be the same for me this time next year? I hope not. I pray I’m happier next year and my heart more filled with contentment. I can only hope that this time next year, my heart will be in a better place. 

And it’s one of those days when you just feel the need to pour it all out when everything else around you is going abysmal.

I refuse to be the kind of person who has a uni-dimensional life. I refuse to be changed by the external factors going on in my life right now. I refuse to be changed by all the negative people around me. I refuse to succumb solely into my career and let all the aspects of my personality be buried with it. There is more to life than work. Work is just a part of it, not the whole  of it. And yes, I do not want to become a success in one field in the future and failing most of life, in general. I cannot and I won’t allow that.

I’d like to think that I’m a good person and I have a great career ahead of me. It’s just that, some days, I feel bad about all the time I have to sacrifice in order to achieve all of it – all the meet-ups I have to turn down, all the possibilities of meeting (new) people, and yes, the possibility of finding the one. Some days too, the past has its way of wiggling itself back to you, leaving you in wonder “how the hell did I allow myself to not make everything work out with you?” Well, timing is a bitch – as what they always say. And maybe, things weren’t just meant to be. Most days I’m fine by that. But some days, it’s harder to swallow (especially on down days). I’m feeling hopeful, though. Somewhere out there in the vastness of the universe is that one person solely meant for me. Somewhere out there, there’s that one person who’ll make me realize that hey, he’s the reason everything else failed to make space for him. Well, that didn’t sound all too good, but, yeah. I’m hopeful that things a year from now, years from now, will make sense. Just like how all the things career-wise are making sense to me right now.

Here’s to hoping that one day, all these will make perfect sense.

Not good enough (even for a title)

It’s one of days when you’re just compelled to write even when what’s in your mind and everything else around does not make sense. Tomorrow marks another day in this new life – the real battle begins as we take on yet another year of internship – that and a year to prepare for the board exams. I must say, amongst all other things stressing me out these days, this has to top it all off. It’s a year off from now but I can’t help but feel all shaken and scared. I feel so incompetent and incapable of passing and topping it. Somehow, deep inside I know I can but sometimes, all these doubts creep into my mind. I don’t know I don’t even know why this thing keeps on bugging me when it’s a year fuckin away. I guess my mind just has to roam around in places it cannot handle. What scares me so much is the uncertainty of the situation. But then again, just as what my friend said yesterday, “Just start. Whatever happens, just start studying and all else will fall into place”. Well, yeah, I guess instead of bickering and scaring the shit out of myself, I just have to start and get on with it. I can’t finish anything without actually starting, anyway. Well yeah, sorry to disappoint but I really had no intention of having a post today which actually made sense. I just needed to let it all out somehow knowing that somewhere out there, in the world there’s somebody else sharing my anxiety about the physician licensure exams. That’s it for now. Good day.

True Love

I live in a developing country. Now, some people might cringe at the idea of this but I can’t be more thankful. See, I get to see and live on both sides – I get to see a glimpse of the high life like that of developed countries yet get to stay grounded as I also get to live and experience what it’s like for people living below the poverty line. And these are some things easily overlooked when you’re looking far too ahead in the horizon.

My family and I are not what you can call rich. My dad used to tell us when we were younger, that we’re definitely not rich. He wouldn’t be needing to work if we were rich. We get by with the right amount of comfort and some luxury here and there but not all the time. We weren’t raised with all the riches and luxuries, there is. We were exposed to a better world, yes, but definitely not that of the alta de ciudad.

Being exposed to various people on all walks of life will either dismay you or inspire you. I actually get the latter often especially when I deal with patients and their families. It is true that in sickness one gets to witness what it’s like to love and be loved entirely. A while ago, I was blessed to witness just that. I’m not enjoying nor celebrating the fact of someone ill here, but I was merely inspired by the fact that true love does rise and reveal itself during hardships.

A few minutes ago, my uncle (mom’s older brother from a brood of 12) came by our house in need of financial assistance. I know this is such commonplace in Filipino culture but not in our family – especially my mom’s. They were raised in a strict Spanish household and although they do help each other out after all, they’re family – they don’t just ask for money for they know the value of working hard for it. Anyway, a while ago, my uncle came by and was asking for some help. What actually touched me was not the fact that he did that himself but how his eyes sparked whenever he lovingly talked about his wife. Not one point did he complain about the difficulty in taking care of his wife who suffered a stroke and is now paralyzed. Instead, he loved to tell their conversations and funny moments. Here is one man who traveled miles and miles to ask for aid from his daily struggle but all he relayed was his happiness and positivity at a difficulty situation. Amazing. There you are, people. True love at its finest. I wish someday, somehow, I’d be able to marry a man as decent and as pure as my uncle who, despite adversity, remained true and loving to his wife. Bless his heart and I pray for his and his wife’s health.

 

I’m just overjoyed to be able to witness God’s amazing handy work. I am in awe. ♥