Gratitude series: Day 001 Angelic Voice

I’m a believer that every thing around us happens for a reason. There are signs meant for us to see, it’s just up to us if we’d really take the time to look or not. ☺️

A while ago, I happen to chance upon this cutie pie girl.


(Ok sorry I don’t know how to embed videos Hahaha)
Anywaaay, Angelica Hale is a contestant in America’s got Talent and she is a survivor at such a young age. Even more amazing is, she has retained a very positive and strong attitude inspite and despite her situtation. Such an inspiration! And she’s only 9! 

I’m just blessed and thankful I was able to chance upon this video just as I was beginning to be overwhelmed by fear and negative emotions. This board exam is killing me, not to mention making me psychologically unstable. Hahahahaha Buuuuut, I have decided a few days back that I’m gonna give this one a good fight and I’m gonna do my best given the remaining time I have. Here’s to more positivity and retaining my sanity in the days to come. 

A prayer for my passing the exams will also mean a great deal. Thanks you guys! God bless everyone. ❤

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Ola

Wow, it’s been a  while. I haven’t actually updated for the longest time. Been busy with hospital duties and life in general. Haha!  I actually have tons of drafts waiting to be published but I’m planning on posting stuff after I get through with this board exam. Yep, I’m planning to take the physicians Licensure examination here in my country next month. I’m still half-hearted about it, though. I still haven’t decided whether I’ll really push through with it or not. There’s an inner struggle within me and yes, doubt and fear included. But, I’m praying for the best and of course, strength, guidance and knowledge. Enough of rants and rambling. Well anyway, I’d just like to post an update whether someone’s reading this or not Haha! To actually inspire me to post more in the next coming days.

I’m actually planning on posting about board exam struggles and mishaps but we’ll see how things fair in the next couple of days.

That’s all for now. Haha

Hearts’ day

I thought that this year’s Valentines will be just like any other day like how I usually see it – a day I won’t even mind and just let pass. Even way back when I had a boyfriend, I didn’t really do much celebrating on VDay. I mean, sure I go on dates and all that, but it was just like all the other mundane days for me. But this year was wuite different. I got caught off guard, to be honest. I didnt know I cared. Heck, I didn’t even know a day meant supposedly for celebrating love could bring this much sadness in one person. I guess, I’m tired of receiving mundane things and emotions just like any other mundane day in the year. I just want need to belong to someone again – to feel that I belong to someone again. It’s been so long. I can no longer kid myself around into thinking that this independent thing encompasses all other things in my life. Everybody needs to belong to someone, right? It sometimes makes me wonder how do divorced people do it? Go through a wrenching experience like that and then allow themselves to believe in something as intangible and vague as love? How do they get the energy and spirit to allow themselvs to meet someone new and move on with their lives? How is it so easy for people to find one another in this vast world and yet have other people easily find each other despite all the setbacks.? How is it that despite all contradictions, people always still choose to choose love? I’m in awe. And sad. I guess,  the lonesomeness gets to you when you’re not as happy as everyone else. I’m not saying that finding someone new to love is the only thing that can make me happy, no, it’s not like that. It’s just that, when people’s happiness are amplified, your normal happiness meter gets left behind and makes you all the more focus on things that you normally don’t give attention to (like, the things you lack, perhaps). And being single for a considerable time gives you that sort of emptiness no matter how hard you try to hide it and gets amplified on happy occasions like Chrismas and birthdays and yes, Valentines day. So today, I chose to feel it all and not pretend these sort of feelings do not exist. I chose to go home early, ponder on things and let myself feel it all and take it all in. After all, I promised to focus on myself more this year. And as I sit here by the poolside, having my nape, hands and feet freezing from the cold night breeze, I can’t help but wonder what else does this year have in store for me? What other realizations can I expect even from things I thought I already have full acceptance of? What new things can I learn and of course will things still be the same for me this time next year? I hope not. I pray I’m happier next year and my heart more filled with contentment. I can only hope that this time next year, my heart will be in a better place. 

Life >>> Career (and some things to ponder upon post-work-out)

Stress piles up until it becomes one big fireball that explodes into your face.

I’ve had a recent (sort of) altercation with a colleague (and friend); been quite a complainer these past few days; the littlest details irritate the hell out of me; been having messy outbursts to people I hold dear; been so masungit to my parents lately;  been harboring negative thoughts about things and people and everything else in the world. And it makes me sad. I’m sad. It’s sad.

I miss my dogs, I miss going out with friends. I miss hanging around with my lonesome; I miss reading in a quaint coffee shop; I miss having a life (and someone to share it with. Lol). I’m barely alone – always surrounded by people and happenings these days and I just need a pause in life. Even superheroes get to have a break, I suppose. And so I decided to workout a bit tonight to finally clear my head of all the negative things and stress and what-have-yous. In the midst of all the chaos this simple life brings, there, I got the calm, the serenity I’ve been praying for. And just like all epiphanies, it comes right at ya when you least expect it. I’ve realized, I want relatively simple life. I’d take a simple life any time of the day. I’d take the life over career anytime of the day. I’m at the point in my life where I can say I have a fair gauge of the things I truly want. And I must say, for the first time, I’d choose having a life over an overly successful life anytime of the day. Of course I still want to be a Pediatrician someday, but burying myself with work and having no time to actually cultivate all the other aspects of my persona won’t definitely give me happiness in the future. And this makes me happy. Realizing these sort of things make me happy. 🙂

 

And it’s one of those days when you just feel the need to pour it all out when everything else around you is going abysmal.

I refuse to be the kind of person who has a uni-dimensional life. I refuse to be changed by the external factors going on in my life right now. I refuse to be changed by all the negative people around me. I refuse to succumb solely into my career and let all the aspects of my personality be buried with it. There is more to life than work. Work is just a part of it, not the whole  of it. And yes, I do not want to become a success in one field in the future and failing most of life, in general. I cannot and I won’t allow that.

I’d like to think that I’m a good person and I have a great career ahead of me. It’s just that, some days, I feel bad about all the time I have to sacrifice in order to achieve all of it – all the meet-ups I have to turn down, all the possibilities of meeting (new) people, and yes, the possibility of finding the one. Some days too, the past has its way of wiggling itself back to you, leaving you in wonder “how the hell did I allow myself to not make everything work out with you?” Well, timing is a bitch – as what they always say. And maybe, things weren’t just meant to be. Most days I’m fine by that. But some days, it’s harder to swallow (especially on down days). I’m feeling hopeful, though. Somewhere out there in the vastness of the universe is that one person solely meant for me. Somewhere out there, there’s that one person who’ll make me realize that hey, he’s the reason everything else failed to make space for him. Well, that didn’t sound all too good, but, yeah. I’m hopeful that things a year from now, years from now, will make sense. Just like how all the things career-wise are making sense to me right now.

Here’s to hoping that one day, all these will make perfect sense.

Not good enough (even for a title)

It’s one of days when you’re just compelled to write even when what’s in your mind and everything else around does not make sense. Tomorrow marks another day in this new life – the real battle begins as we take on yet another year of internship – that and a year to prepare for the board exams. I must say, amongst all other things stressing me out these days, this has to top it all off. It’s a year off from now but I can’t help but feel all shaken and scared. I feel so incompetent and incapable of passing and topping it. Somehow, deep inside I know I can but sometimes, all these doubts creep into my mind. I don’t know I don’t even know why this thing keeps on bugging me when it’s a year fuckin away. I guess my mind just has to roam around in places it cannot handle. What scares me so much is the uncertainty of the situation. But then again, just as what my friend said yesterday, “Just start. Whatever happens, just start studying and all else will fall into place”. Well, yeah, I guess instead of bickering and scaring the shit out of myself, I just have to start and get on with it. I can’t finish anything without actually starting, anyway. Well yeah, sorry to disappoint but I really had no intention of having a post today which actually made sense. I just needed to let it all out somehow knowing that somewhere out there, in the world there’s somebody else sharing my anxiety about the physician licensure exams. That’s it for now. Good day.