i had to remind myself on multiple occasions this week that my feelings are valid and trauma, pain and hurt are not directly proportional to time the insult was caused.
some wounds just heal waaaaay longer than others, or not at all.
…and some people just have no respect of your boundaries and personal space. How they deal with themselves, I have yet to fathom. And how they live with themselves, is beyond me.
…and no matter how hard I try to hide or deny it, I’ve never felt this betrayed in a long time.
Simple candle lit dinner of takeaways, donuts and coffee…
…alone
…with just the music
…and myself
…but somehow find myself contented and at peace.
For the first time in my life, I find myself celebrating my birthday by myself, and in the middle of a pandemic – definitely one of the things I kind of dreaded in the past. As I used to say, I’d rather be on duty than celebrate alone. Haha But surprisingly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Does that sound crazy? It does sound like it even to myself. I can’t believe I can calmly say I’m okay being alone in my 2nd most favorite season of the year. Lol In such a fast-paced life, I appreciate the calm more – the rare moments I can be by myself and be for myself. This year, that’s kind of one of the things I had to relearn. I give so much, I have been giving so much of myself to everyone, I keep on forgetting to spare some for myself. It’s still an on-going process, but somehow, I find myself actually reminding myself in the middle of the day to do this and that for myself – little wins. lol So anyway, I learned a lot this year – gained a couple, lost a few, shed a few tears, had a many sleepless and tiring nights – but definitely won’t have it any other way. I’d like to think, that in this life, I am where I was meant to be. I won’t deny it though, the past couple of months have been so difficult. At the start of this year, the pandemic was the biggest challenge of it all – later on in 2020, bigger responsibilities actually came in my way. I had to step up, I had to force myself to be better at everything (or at least I try to be). There are days however, that I’m undeniably not at par with the demands and I used to kick myself over and for it cos yes I know, I wanted everything to be perfect, but in December just last year, I had to remind myself again, that hey, perfection wasn’t even the point of all this, but GROWTH. So I had to realign my perspective and focus more on improving myself in all aspects cos honestly, how blessed am I to actually get the luxury of being able to realize these things and have a whole new year to actually live day by day into its actualization? Right? So anyway, that’s just about it for my birthday. Being a senior resident is a whole new challenge on its right, but one day, when it gets so tough again, I’d like this post to be a reminder that just a week ago, I saved a baby’s life and is now on its road to full recovery and just last night, on my birthday eve, I saved yet another one. So yes, I am on the right path, and will still try and strive harder for future patients and most especially, for myself. ❤️As always, onwards and forward with life! 💛💛💛
I SEE YOU (I.C.U.) 